When You've Lost Your Spark: A Love Letter to Women Who Are Running on Empty

Feeling like a shell of yourself? Lost your spark? Can't remember the last time you looked in a mirror without tearing apart the woman in the reflection?

It's an all too common issue for women. We're taking care of business, taking care of everyone else's needs, and severely neglecting ourselves in the process. At some point we have to shake ourselves a bit and remember what the airlines tell us... put your mask on first, then help the person next to you.

We need to start caring for ourselves, our well-being, our peace... And reminding ourselves that the reason we're able to do all of these wonderful things for everyone else is because we're amazing, valuable, and worthy. We need to treat our bodies and our minds with the care and respect they deserve. Our actions toward ourselves show others how to care for and treat us.

Permission to Rest

So if you've been feeling drained lately, worn out completely, not sure there's anything left to give... rest. I know the house is a disaster, but rest. I know somebody else wants something from you or wants you to volunteer for one more thing but say "not right now."

It's ok to not stretch yourself. It's ok to rest. It's ok to make yourself the priority and to let someone else step up. You can set the balls you're juggling down for a minute and breathe.

And once you're able to breathe again, focus on all that you are. Not all that you're trying to be or wish you were. Focus on the good that exists now. Marvel at all the things you've been too busy and chaotic to notice. The seemingly simple and small things.

You Are Worthy Right Now

I want you to remember that you are worthy of peace and you can demand it without being demanding. You can prioritize caring for you in the middle of a chaotic season. And it is okay to celebrate you and your accomplishments and attaining the things that maybe 20 years ago you dreamed for but you never stopped to say, "Wow, look, this is what I always wanted. And I did it." Because you were so focused on the next goal, the next thing that you needed to achieve.

I wanna challenge you to slow down, take inventory, breathe it in, appreciate your hard work and dedication. I want you to relish in the moment. I want you to do what feels unnatural for so many of us and say, "Wow, look at me, look what I did. Look what I achieved. I busted my ass, and I made it happen."

It's okay to celebrate your wins. We don't have to constantly be striving for the next big thing. It's important to slow down and celebrate the little milestones and the big ones. It doesn't have to be something grandiose, but if there's a little pile of clutter that you have been staring at for years and it stresses you out and you finally got through half of it, let's celebrate. That's more space in your peace that you didn't have previously.

Small Acts of Self-Care Matter

Take a longer shower, just stand in the hot water and let it run over you and just notice how it feels. Breathe deep, let the stress melt away.

Cry if you need to. Crying is one of those things that for years, I have avoided doing because it felt like a sign of weakness, that I was giving up, failing. When really, it's our body's way of releasing stress and just releasing emotion and stuff that we've just got pent-up in our bodies.

It's okay to have emotions. It's okay to have big feelings, little feelings and no feelings at all for certain things. I want you to know how important and valuable you are and that every day that you choose to show up for yourself, for others is a gift. But in this season, I want you to show up for you. You're always showing up for everyone else.

The Lists That Will Change Everything

I want you to take a minute and make a short list of what's important to you. I don't want you to list your family, your kids, your spouse, your parents, your siblings. I want to know if you were the only person that you needed to worry about, that you need to care for, that you needed to do for... what would be on your list of things that bring you joy? That bring you peace? That excite you? That make you think, "That's just something that I love so much. That's something that I love to do. That's something that just creates relaxation in my body. That's something that makes me laugh uncontrollably."

What are those things?

And I also want you to make a list of the things that you've always wanted to do, you've always wanted to try, but you haven't had time because you haven't made space for yourself to explore. You haven't been able to because of money, time or other responsibilities.

What are some things that you've always wanted to do or try or explore?

And again, if your page is blank, I wanna encourage you to schedule more time in your day to day life. Even if it's just 10 minutes a day, 5 minutes a day. Just while you're in the car commuting from or to your job or somewhere else. Somewhere where it's quiet and you can just think for a moment, dream a little, imagine the things that you could do, you'd want to do or that interest you.

I'm giving you permission to dream.

If you've forgotten what it's like to dream or you felt like you can't do that, you know, because dreaming isn't reality... but dreams become reality. Dreams become goals, things that we want to attain. And sometimes, those dreams require a little bit of faith. Sometimes, those dreams require a little bit of courage or a whole lot.

Rediscovering You

I wanna challenge you to focus your lens just a little bit more. Set some time aside for you and explore. In your mind even to just start with. No social media, no internet. In your mind, in your thoughts, I want you to explore what makes you happy. What brings you peace? What you would like to attain in life? What do you want for you?

I don't want to know what it is that you want for someone else that would make you feel valuable or beneficial or worthy. You are already those things. You are already valuable. You are already beneficial. You are already worthy.

And you always have been. Always have been.

This isn't something that you need to earn. Worthiness, value... that's something that you have always been, and you always will be.

What do you want for you? What are you struggling with?

Your Body Is Good

Are you struggling with your body image? Are you struggling with the fact that a beautiful body that you once had and didn't appreciate in the moment now looks a little more weathered than worn? Maybe things aren't in the place that they were when you were young. Maybe you have a few more wrinkles. Maybe you've got extra pounds.

I want to tell you though that none of those things change your worth or your value. None of those things actually affect the person that is inside of that body.

Your body is just that. It's your body. And your body is good. Your body is an amazing vessel. Maybe it's not as able as it used to be. Maybe you've had injuries, maybe you've had diseases.

But your body is still holding one of the most incredible things in the universe. It's holding you, housing you. And you are good. You are enough. You've always been enough.

I wanna challenge you to be okay with what you see in the mirror. I want to challenge you to be okay with not being able to give 300% today like you normally do. I want you to prioritize stepping back, breathing, resting. It's okay if something doesn't get done. It's okay if you have 20 years of clutter. It has a direct impact, yes, on how you feel, but I want you to take a minute and breathe and recenter and focus. You're not failing.

The List That Changes How You See Yourself

I want you to make a list and I understand that this list may not be very long and it may be a struggle to get one thing down on it to start with. But I want you to start a list. I want you to put it somewhere where you are going to see it daily. If that's near your bathroom mirror, great. If it's near your desk at work, great. On your fridge, great. It can be somewhere private just for you. It can be somewhere public if you're okay with other people in your home seeing.

But I want you to start a list of the things that make you amazing. The things that you do, that you are, that are valuable. They don't have to be big significant things. They don't have to be awards that you've won. They can be simple.

"I noticed that someone in my household seemed a little down, and I was able to wrap my arms around them and hug them and tell them that I loved them."

"I woke up this morning and was able to see sunshine and feel the warmth on my face."

"My smile may not be symmetrical, but it's genuine and it's full of joy and it's authentic and it's mine."

Keep a list. Refer back to it, add to it.

The most important thing is that you recognize your value and your worth. And when we lose sight of those things, we've lost touch with ourselves. This isn't about being conceited, it's about taking a minute to appreciate that which we have been underappreciating for years. It's about reminding ourselves that we don't have to attain some societal status of perfect body, perfect mom, perfect wife, perfect daughter. We don't have to try and attain those unreachable levels.

You're enough. You're worthy and you're valuable today, right now.

Tools for the Journey

Part of our journey in reminding ourselves that we are these things already, or we could be on a journey of loving our bodies again. Or loving our bodies for the very first time.

There's lots of tools that can be used along these journeys. Journaling, therapy, a lot of self-reflection, photography can be another one of those tools. It's a tool that I offer for folks that want to add that.

Boudoir is a wonderful gift that you can give someone else, yes, but more importantly, it's a gift that you give yourself. It's the reminder that, yes, while you're wearing all of these hats (wife, mom, sister, daughter, caretaker, breadwinner...) and completely overextending yourself, you are still so much more than those roles. You're a whole freaking person that is absolutely incredible! 

And boudoir can be part of the journey to reset and remind yourself that while you're doing all these other things (and you're neglecting yourself and you're getting caught up in what social media and the media in general is saying about you, and that you're not enough, and that you need to keep doing these other things because, there's a new way to look young, there's a new way to change your body, there's a new way to whatever... and that bar just keeps moving, moving, moving) that you are a powerful and amazing woman in the midst of all that chaos.

Stripping Away the Layers

Sometimes the beauty of boudoir is the fact that we're stripping all that away. So with boudoir, yes, sometimes we're stripping the clothes off. But it's not so much about stripping away the clothing. It's about stripping away all of that other stuff that is piling on top.

And we're peeling those layers off, and we're finding at our core where we are, where we've been hiding. We're rediscovering ourselves.

Boudoir isn't about being naked, it isn't about being overtly sexual. There's a sensuality that is found, absolutely. Are there minimal clothing options at times? Absolutely. Is it a requirement? No.

What we're trying to do is we're trying to shed those layers of things that are weighing us down. We're trying to find and rediscover ourselves at our core.

Part of that is yes, as women, we are sensual and sexual beings, just like men. AND that's okay, and is nothing to be ashamed of.

This Is For You First

But boudoir is truly for you first, and then if you choose to share with someone else, wonderful. My clients are never under any obligation at any time to sign a release with me so that I can share their images.

Do I love it when my clients give me permission to share their images for marketing, for social media, for my website, for whatever? Of course I do. I love being able to show that joy and that transformation and that power that they have taken back. It's exciting to me and I love being able to make women feel incredible. I love being able to help remind them how incredible they are. It's one of the biggest joys of my life.

But it's never a requirement that you allow me to share those images. Those images are for you and what you choose to do with them. Whether you keep them for yourself, whether you show them to someone else, whether you let me share them... all up to you. This is your decision, this is your journey.

I'm just here to help you along the way.

If you're feeling called to give yourself this gift, to take this step in rediscovering who you are beneath all those layers... I'm here. And right now, I'm making it easier for you to say yes to yourself. This Black Friday, you can book your boudoir session for just $99 (normally $400), get $200 off any collection, plus so many other extras that add up to over $1,400 in savings. And here's the best part - you only pay $99 now to hold your date, and we can break up your collection into a payment plan that doesn't even start until January. After the holiday rush. After you've taken care of everyone else. You can book up to a year in advance to make those payments manageable and give yourself time to prepare mentally and emotionally for your session. This is you saying yes to yourself without the financial stress during the holidays. You deserve this.

Click here to say YES to you this year.